hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
