Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Randomize
