I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
