The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
