Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
