you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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