Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
