I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
