I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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