It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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