dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Who died my cat blue again?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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