I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
