dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
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