i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
