It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
