i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
