I'd wear matching sweaters with you
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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