dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
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