I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Randomize
