just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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