I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
