The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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