i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
