So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
A+ Viking dick
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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