ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
