either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
