I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
