If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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