with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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