If i come over, it means nothing
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Randomize
