You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
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