his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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