Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
