one word: firstdatebathroomanal
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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