Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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