don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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