I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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