I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
