you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
that may or may not have been my penis.
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