It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
