ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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