I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
