but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Randomize
