her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
