so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
