grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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