More tranny stories later!
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
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