Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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