Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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