my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
