arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Randomize
