sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
